showing lack of confidence

It’s natural to be nervous.

Let’s be honest everyone feels nervous at some time or other, even if they don’t admit it. I will put my cards on the table and say that even I get nervous about something new, something outside my comfort zone. 

It’s part of being human.

As human beings, we are naturally wired to be on the lookout for anything that might harm us. Our brain has evolved to be on the lookout for danger, for circumstances that may cause us harm. One of the ways it alerts us to possible danger is by creating a nervous feeling.

Your brain takes information about past events and generalises them into what it perceives might be a dangerous situation you may encounter.

That system worked really well in the past when you might have been in danger of being attacked or eaten by wild animals, but these days that’s not something you normally need to worry about in your ordinary day to day life.

Now we tend fear more for our psychological well-being and safety.

The Ego needs protecting too

Your brain is also on red alert to make sure that your Ego is safe as well.

Your Ego is how you see yourself, your story about you. 

We all have a story about ourselves, who we are, our name, background, capabilities, where we live, what we like or don’t like – and so the list goes on. 

We often see our Ego as something we need to protect at all costs, and if our Ego is put under stress, threatened or attacked then we will defend it with all means at our disposal.

That can include using avoidance habits and feelings of anxiety or nervousness too.

The Ego and feeling nervous

When you feel nervous your brain is trying to make sure that your Ego is safe, that it is protected from what it sees as potential harm.

Going into a high pressure or new situation can make you feel that you are out of control and that you could be seen as shy, nervous, anxious, not competent or trustworthy – all things that can make your Ego feel threatened

Where is your Ego?

The odd thing is that no matter where I look I can’t find my Ego.

I can’t find it in my head or my body.

It doesn’t have a physical shape, size or location.

So it can only be found in my mind.

Where is my Mind?

But where is my mind?

Just like my Ego, I can’t seem to pin it down to a physical thing or location. I know where my brain is, but that isn’t my mind.

I know this because despite continued research medical science has still not located a human beings mind or discovered how and what we think occurs.

The Mind is made of thought

I don’t know this for sure, but in my opinion, my mind is made of thoughts. And those thoughts are brought into my awareness by my brain.

So if my Ego is part of my mind it must, therefore, be made purely of thoughts and nothing else.

We have thousands of thoughts

I have thousands of thoughts every day, so many I couldn’t even begin to count them. Some of them don’t even register, they are seen as irrelevant or too silly to be given any attention. Some I have repetitively every day and they just seem normal, useful, or necessary for me to function well.

Bad thoughts occur too

Then there are the bad thoughts, I could call them dark thoughts, negative or unwanted thoughts, but I still pay attention to them anyway. Some I dismiss, others I pay attention to, and they are the ones that affect my state of mind, my mood and how I feel. 

I really like the good thoughts

Good thoughts, positive thoughts, nice thoughts, call them what you will, I get those too. I’m happy to keep them and repeat them. When I pay attention to them I feel good, happy, at peace, my mood is high and I generally have good emotions and feelings.

Thoughts are what you label them

Generally speaking, my mood will determine how I feel about a thought. One day a thought will make me feel down in some way, and on another day it won’t have the same effect, maybe I’ll just ignore it. 

So it’s not the thought that affects me it’s how I perceive it.

Thoughts are just thoughts

If you think a thought is good then it is, if you think it’s bad then it is.

You decide how you see your thoughts and then you label them and act on them accordingly.

Thoughts cannot hurt you, but if you believe them then they can affect you.

How to stop feeling nervous

See your thoughts for what they really are.

They’re just thoughts that pop into your mind.

You don’t get to choose them, they simply appear, and if you don’t pay too much attention to them they then disappear to be replaced by another random thought.

The secret, and it’s not a secret, is to become aware of your thoughts, to notice them and question whether what they are telling you is true. 

What is the worst thing that could happen? 

Is it even likely to happen? 

And if it does happen will it diminish your Ego in any way?

Remember your Ego is not a real thing, it’s just a thought like all the others entering and exiting your awareness. So a thought really can’t hurt or damage you in any way. 

You just think it can!

To sum it up

You are not afraid of feeling nervous, you’re simply afraid of your thoughts about feeling nervous – and they’re not your thoughts anyway, you didn’t choose them!

What next?

Put aside 60 minutes of your time

And let’s have a totally free, no-obligation discovery session to find out where you are in your life, and where, if a lack of confidence wasn’t an issue you’d really like to be! 

We’ll discuss what areas you’d like support with, and exactly what help I’m able to offer, and we’ll also discover if we would be a good fit to work well with each other.

Whatever the outcome of our coaching session, I would be truly honoured to meet you and I’ll make sure that you get the best value out of our time together.

Please act now 

Because my discovery sessions are few and far between! 

Don’t miss out on a life-changing opportunity!

Commitment and motivation are crucial to your success! If you don’t take action and stand up for yourself, nobody will!

Remember – You have to make the first move, I can’t do that for you!

What to do now

If you would like to find out more about my coaching or would like to book your FREE discovery session then please call me on 07810 877158 or email me at help@grahamparish.com

I really do hope to hear from you soon!

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